I am going away for two weeks tomorrow, and yesterday my 'to-do' list was long...longer than I was pretty sure I'd have time for. I was panicking badly, a sickening whirlpool was drowning icy stones into the pit of my stomach and I worried. I made the decision to worry and then I lost control of it. I wasn't getting inward sanity back anytime soon.
Dramatically rattling off my checklist to mum made my worry excuseable. It sounded longer when I said it out loud. But the more I said it out loud, the more I felt weakened and beaten inside, unable to control anything, incapable of making up time, helpless to change deadlines and keep records. Repeating my weaknesses to myself was making me weaker. They were pummelling me into the dust and taking away my strength, confidence, and so much more importantly, my joy.
Then the sweetest thing burst out of my mouth, all but unbidden.
"The Lord is my strength."
The sudden appearance of the phrase made sense. I'd been reading the Psalms; the words were caught in my head-- but I did not call them into my mouth.
What does it matter that I was feeling weak and overwhelmed? His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Lean on him. Lean on him. His power is made perfect in weakness. The Lord is our strength. The Lord is my strength, and I am not worrying anymore. Make Him yours.
This embodies the kind of calm strength I get from Him.
P.S. It is my blog's anniversary on the 2nd of February. It has been such a great year. Great, like God is great. Not always comfortable, not always safe, but most definitely a roaring storm of challenge, beauty, necessary fortitude, and love. It has been good.