Dashed.
The hurting has stopped and then a new blow comes, though I thought
the storm had passed. It hasn't. The awfully overpowering temptation
is to wallow in self-pity, or fall into my little safety net- the
one I only use for emergencies- of apathy. I don't care. No.
Shan't care. Won't care. Won't ever, ever care.
But
we can't live without caring. Caring is human, beautiful. We must
care. But it hurts.
I've
been here before, and I know what this chapter is. It is a lesson;
always a lesson. I know one thing in this and that is that there is a
plan, and this will work out for my good and for his glory. Always. I
know this, because I have learned that he is forever faithful.
I
am learning how to grow when it appears that there is nothing to do
but sit tight and ride it out. Obedience, dependance,
patience.
God
is the only way through. There is no way around, over, under, or out
of it. I must be prepared to go through in obedience; peacefully,
lovingly, hopefully, without anger. This is life. I need to learn
from it. I need to grow.
It
cannot be done alone. Dependance on God for the obedience we need is
so difficult to obtain, and yet, the relief that comes from
sacrificing self with the profound knowledge that Jesus is
better is full and rich. It is
right, feels true, and gives us peace.
Obedience
will always call for dependance on God, and dependance on God will
always call for obedience. One cannot fully exist without the other,
and both together create one of the most beautiful spiritual enigmas
ever to be found in the wide space of humanity. And furthermore, they
are caught up together, fastened with patience.
It
is actually the enigma of patience that led me to think about all
this in the first place.
Waiting
patiently is an art that I have not mastered, nor ever will, I think.
But I believe I've struck something majestic when I say that waiting
patiently is almost never passive. Obedience, dependance; they are
the 'doing' part of waiting. . . the vital part of waiting.
Life
will move us along on its own. Our response to that movement is the
important part of the story.
It
shows the world how big we believe our God is.
2 comments:
This is beautiful writing. Obedience, dependance, patience. Yes! And it's like going on a bear hunt. Can't go over it, under it or around it. Gotta go through it. With God. Can you see me quietly nodding? Bless you for prompting some positive pondering up here at Tallowood.
I need to read this every time life calls for some patience. Beautifully written Ginny. I especially loved what you had to say about caring. So encouraging. Thank you.
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